me.re.ka

Sedang ada yang membanggakan pelukmu di hadapan orang-orang yang dia kenal. Mungkin yang dikira aku akan iri, tapi sayangnya berada dalam dekapmu aku pernah. Bahkan mungkin lebih lama dan dalam.

Sedang ada yang memamerkan kedekatan denganmu pada semua orang yang dia tahu. Mungkin dikiranya aku akan terbakar, tapi sayangnya aku lebih dari sekedar dekat denganmu. Tanpa perlu siapa-siapa tahu.

Sedang ada yang mengisyaratkan lelapmu pada orang-orang yang mengenalmu. Mungkin dikiranya aku akan menjadi berang, tapi sayangnya berada di sampingmu saat matamu belum terpejam hingga kemudian terbangun saat mentari menyapa, aku pernah.

Bila segalanya sudah pernah bagiku. Lalu apa lagi yang ingin mereka perlihatkan padaku? Ah ya, ada yang terlupa. Menjadi milikmu, aku belum. Menjadi milikku, kamu belum.

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Filled ma Eyes.

I can’t see you and pretend that you didn’t hurt me.
I can’t see you and not think about all the things I wanted to talk to you about instead of talking about work and the weather. All the secrets I wanted to share with you and all the stories I wish you had told me. I can’t see you and pretend like I don’t wonder what could have been or why you had to disappear too soon.
I can’t pretend like I don’t know about her. I can’t pretend like I don’t know you’re giving her your attention, your time and your love. I can’t pretend like it doesn’t bother me every time I see you and think that you picked her and I still don’t understand why.
I can’t get over how quickly things have ended, how quickly they collapsed. I can’t get over how you didn’t say a word and how I didn’t ask you a single question. I can’t get over this silence or how quickly you replaced me.
Part of me just wants to be honest with you and tell you everything. But I can’t get myself to tell you anything because I don’t know if you’ll ever understand. I don’t know if you’ll ever feel it. I don’t know if you even know how much you meant to me.
But part of me also believes that maybe you know exactly what happened, maybe you know exactly what I’m going through or how I’m feeling. Maybe you know everything I heard about you and her and you’re still choosing to ignore it. You’re still choosing to act like it’s not a big deal. You’re still choosing to disregard my feelings and that’s just something I can’t forgive. That’s just something I can’t forget.
I can’t see you and treat you like a stranger or a friend. I can’t see you and pretend like I don’t want to touch you or tell you that I miss you. I can’t see you and pretend like it’s over because for me, it’s not. For me, it didn’t even start. For me, it still doesn’t make any sense. For me, it still feels like a nightmare that I’ll eventually wake up from.tumblr_o30pr5tmfU1twt4dho2_540

Deep Talk

” I found someone better for me ”
” Me too “

” So I guess this is the end ”
” But, I close my eyes for them, I still choose you. “

If you want to look for beauty. As soon as you get married to her. 10 minutes later, you’ll see that the bridesmaids look better than her.

If you want to look for money. Soon enough, there will be a man who are richer than him. Who drives a better car than him. Who owns a bigger house than him.

There’s always someone better.
And this is where it ist all about. It’s about gratitude. It’s about loyalty. Who can stays with you unconditionally.

Who doesn’t look for the perfection inside you but creates the perfection inside you.

Who can accept your flaws and changes it into your speciality. Who can grow up together with you through thick and thin. Who can face the dificulties with you and finally together gain the victory.

Who doesn’t find it.
But makes it.

Remember, we can’t make people stay with us after letting them know our past and see our flaws. Those who decided to stay are those who are worth to keep.

And remember, if they want to make a leave for your imperfection. Let them leave. Grow up. Be amazing. Prove them that you were still alive after being killed.

Soon, you’ll be higher than them.
And remember, if they want to come back you. Know that, as before this they can’t accept your past, now then, they also don’t deserve your future.tumblr_npq5jkinub1twt4dho9_540

A loser will always looking for perfection.
They can’t stop for it. They are a greedy and impatient asshole.

When you were flawed. Find and fight for someone who are going to lift you. Not someone who are going to leave you.

—–

Bisa?

Sudah terlalu lama kita saling menebak, membiarkan hati yang menerka, kemudian akhirnya kita tidak pernah tahu apa yang sebenarnya dirasakan.

Aku semakin penasaran tapi tidak bisa bertanya, sementara kamu tidak kunjung menjelaskan. Sebatas itu saja. Tidak ada perkembangan.

Pada awalnya aku menyerahkan semua pada waktu. Mungkin seiring dengan berjalannya waktu, kamu akan yakin padaku dan kata cinta itu terucap.

Tapi ternyata sulit, ya? Cinta memang tidak semulus puisinya anak tumblr.

Lama kelamaan, ketidakjelasan hubungan ini semakin parah karena ditambah ketakutanku.

Aku takut jika selama ini, aku tidak cukup baik.
Takut ternyata dunia kita tidak sama.
Takut kalau aku tidak bisa mengimbangi kamu dan kehidupanmu.
Takut seandainya kamu tak benar-benar menginginkan ada kita.

Dulu, aku selalu percaya “cinta itu tidak perlu saling memiliki”. Seperti kita. Kita tidak perlu menjadi kekasih, kalau hanya menginginkan status. Tapi aku sadar, ternyata doktrin itu yang menjadi penyebab hubungan ini begini-begini saja.

Pada akhirnya, cinta itu perlu pamrih. Seseorang yang mencintai sepatutnya dicintai balik sama baiknya. Aku rasa, kita juga perlu demikian.

Jadi, gimana, kita bisa mulai sekarang?

Memilih

Malam ini aku membuka tumblr, dan tergelitik oleh pertanyaan miftahulfikri pada akun “kunamaibintangitunamamu”.

miftahulfikri asked; Halo, mbak. Kemarin aku sempat tertohok oleh bahasan teman-temanku soal pacaran. Menurut mereka, ada fase dimana kita “pacaran segan, menikah tak mau” yang mungkin saja sebagian orang pernah mengalaminya. Mereka sudah lelah dengan berpacaran yang hanya memenuhi hasrat pemenuhan lifestyle saja, sekedar biar keren dan dibanggakan, tidak dibilang jomblo, atau cuma bisa sekedar diterima di lingkungan pergaulan. Tetapi bila disarankan menikah, mereka juga tidak siap. Bagaimana pendapat mbak soal ini?

Dan dijawablah sepeti ini:

“Halo, mas.

Pada suatu masa semua orang pasti akan terseret ke dalam situasi seperti itu; situasi yang tidak mengurung, tapi orang-orang terjebak di dalamnya. Mereka memilih untuk berdiri tepat di tengah-tengah dua pilihan tersebut: tidak ingin maju juga tidak ingin mundur. Karena jika mereka maju (menikah) atau mundur (putus), mereka akan dihadapi dengan “persoalan” baru.

Ketidaksiapan adalah penghalang segalanya. Ada yang masih ingin bermain-main, masih mengisyaratkan ragu, atau takut mengemban tanggung jawab. Sebagai manusia biasa, wajar jika kita merasakan semua hal itu. Tapi sungguh, siapa yang bisa menentukan kesiapan hati, jika bukan kita sendiri?

Aku rasa, sejentik rasa penyesalan itu pasti akan selalu ada, walau kita telah memutuskan untuk berjalan ke arah yang paling benar sekalipun. Tapi inti dari setiap keputusan adalah kita sadar bahwa kita tidak bisa menggenggam dua hal sekaligus. Apapun yang telah kita pilih, pada masanya itu adalah hal yang paling melegakan kita.

Pada akhirnya, keadaan akan memaksa kita untuk siap. Pada akhirnya, bertahan pada kondisi seperti itu hanya akan membuat kita semakin lelah. Manakah pilihan yang tepat, kita memang tidak pernah tahu itu. Kita akan tahu hanya setelah kita mengalaminya. Tapi jangan pernah merasa kita telah salah memutuskan.”

“Cepat atau lambat, mau atau tidak mau, semua orang pasti harus memilih.” – Hati Sedalam Samudera

Aku sepenuhnya setuju dengan jawabannya, bahkan memang perempuan sangat membutuhkan sebuah kepastian, dan sang pria harus mampu menentukan sikap dan pilihannya.

poemsporn

“Life is too short to fall for people who don’t love you loudly, or for relationships that don’t set fire to your soul.

Our time on this earth is impermanent, and in the short years we must love fearlessly.

The person you’re meant to be with will challenge you, will push you, will make you crazy and happy and confused, and show you what real, complicated love is.

The person you’re meant to be with will terrify you because they make you feel something.
So this is what you need to know about love—you must always chase the person who scares you. Don’t settle for comfort because it’s familiar. Don’t be content with what you know because there’s a world out there waiting for you. And life’s too short not to pursue that.

Fall for the person who terrifies you because they have new ways of looking at the world, because they are different, because there is some unexplainable connection that is pulling you back to him or her, no matter how much you try to deny it.

Fall for the person who terrifies you because you feel something when you look into his or her eyes. and because scary is a change, a challenge, and both of those things will help you grow.
Fall for the person who terrifies you because what the hell else is our purpose on this earth than to love and love foolishly, fearlessly, fully?

Life is too short to hold yourself back from feeling something deeply. Life’s too short to deny your heart the pleasure of falling into someone, and giving them your soul. Life’s too short to pretend that you’ll find love where it’s comfortable and easy, because in all reality, love will never be easy. And that’s the most beautiful part.

Life’s too short not to pursue people that scare you, because those people are the ones who will change your life. And we’re all searching for that love that will alter our entire lives.

It’s waiting for you, go get it.”

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Somebody that I Used to Know

Don’t delete the pictures. Delete his messages and maybe even his number if it helps you move on, but don’t delete the pictures you took while with him. Trust me, in 20 years, you’ll want to remember the man who broke your heart when you were nineteen. I know it makes you feel like you’re going to vomit when you see the twinkle in his brown eyes or the angle of his pronounced cheekbones. I know it kills you inside, but you will regret taking them in the first place. He will be a lesson to your kids or a boy-you-once-knew heartache or even a flitting memory you smile at when you page through old scrapbooks. He once made you happy, he once was one of the most important people in your life, and he once made you happier than you could’ve ever imagined. Don’t delete the pictures. You’ll thank yourself later.

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p.s selamat ulang tahun bang, jangan lupa bahagia.